The 2021 Ted Cruz Dunk Contest
Highlights from 36 hours of the internet dunking on #FledCruz and his attempt to flee frozen Texas for a Cancún getaway. Presented by Sprite.
Editor’s Note: I originally planned to launch Fill Your Inbox on February 26 with what would become a regular Friday digest. That was before the Texas Snowpocalypse came to town.
You can thank the ineptitude of Texas leadership (and the hard work of those who braved the cold to get power back up and running) for this preview edition, with more to come as I unpack both snow and all of the thoughts on what went down this week.
The last few days down here in Texas have sucked, as you can imagine (or experienced first-hand). Those of us who at least have power or running water feel fortunate, but we’re all still reeling and waiting to see what damage lurks under the remaining inches of snow and ice.
Amidst the icy turd that Punxsutawney Phil dropped and the ensuing chaos that followed, the internet’s response to Ted Cruz’s ill-fated run for the border helped warm my heart and, in some perverse way, restored some faith in humanity.
These are my picks for the Finals of the latest Ted Cruz Dunk Contest. Who gets your vote?
Cruz’s Wednesday night escape was captured by citizen journalists at the airport almost immediately, ensuring that Twitter would wake up with the topic trending while Ted was still trying to figure out if the business class upgrade on his hastily-booked return flight went through:
Things picked up after Ted was captured slinking through airport security on Thursday morning with a bag that just screamed “quick trip, I’m only here for the one night”:
Fortunately, the internet meme grid is a far more modern operation than the Texas energy grid and responded to the situation swiftly:
corinne_perkins @corinne_perkinsSenator Ted Cruz carries his luggage at the Cancun International Airport before boarding his plane back to the U.S., in Cancun, Mexico. Photo by Stringer https://t.co/KKDtldAXoE
FWIW, The Daily Mail has even more, for those of you who can’t get enough of #CancunCruz.
Once Ted was on the ground, the absurdity of the spin cycle began:
He can retroactively change his story, hide behind Hannity, don a Patagonia dad jacket, and blame his daughters, but cutting and running doesn’t play in Texas. Expect a lot more of this to follow the Coward Ted Cruz wherever he may roam:
I’ll close with this performance art piece that perfectly depicts the fate of Ted Cruz’s Presidential ambitions after this week:
From all of us down here in Texas (and a vast majority of Americans across the country): GTFO, you Calgary Clown.
This is a preview edition of FYI with Kyle Bunch. You are receiving this as part of your reward for being the earliest of early adopters. The football phone should arrive in 4-6 weeks.